My Life with ADHD: Day 1

Hello there. My name is Jessica, and I am living with ADHD. I will get into more specifics on this later. But the most important thing you need to know right now is that I only this week received a diagnosis. 

Being an adult with ADHD brings on challenges that you don't hear about a lot. I wanted to document every step of my journey, so I am re-starting my old blog. I want to remember where I started. I want to inspire people who are suspecting that they themselves might have ADHD. I want people who love someone with ADHD to better understand what they are going through. I want my own spouse and loved ones to understand what I am going though.

Disclaimer: Not everyone with ADHD shows the same symptoms, characteristics, etc. I am speaking from my own lived experience, as that is the only authority I have on this matter. I am still learning a lot, and I invite you to join me on this journey as well.

Today was the first day I started taking medications for my diagnosis. I am working with a wonderfully supportive doctor who has known me for 5 years. When I first approached her about possibly having ADHD, we talked about how it matches up with some of the previous medical history she has worked with me on. More about that will come up in future posts.

What comes next is a running dialogue of my day. Sorry that it feels more clinical than conversational.

Time of Dose: 7:34 am

First effects: increased agitation/tingling in stomach, jaw, chest within 10 minutes

 

Full effects: within 45 minutes. I felt like The Flash! Except without the running part. Anyone who knows me that I would only run if being chased by a bear. But maybe not even then...

 

First hour: Sent this text message to one of my sister angels in my support system.
"Started my ADHD meds today. Is this what normal is supposed to feel like? It doesn't feel like my brain is struggling anymore. I literally didn't know this could happen."

Had a somewhat stress-inducing notice of a meeting at work.

 

12:30: Ate lunch. Felt sick after eating. 

 

2:00: Shortly before the meeting was to start my body jumped into flight mode with a HR of 110+. Practiced focused breathing for 2 minutes, two different times, with no improvement. The meeting went fine, and ended up being a big relief. Talked about the start of my treatment and what kind of accommodations I would need at work. It's a huge blessing to have a supportive workplace! I discussed the challenges that I have been recently facing but was unable to explain. I see those now as learning moments and things that will (hopefully) get better over time.

Note to self: Cut out caffeine, at least for a while.

 

3:00: Feels like it is starting to wear off. The brain ache is coming back.

 

Outcomes:

I felt like my brain didn't hurt anymore. (Did I realize that it hurt before? It kinda always hurts all of the time these days. Let's just say that I didn't know that it could not hurt.)

 

Noticed improvement in doing routine tasks. I didn't feel a lack of energy or motivation, but I still had the need to be multi-tasking all of the time. Set intentions behind sticking to one task at a time. That is hard for me - I always have to be doing 2-3 things simultaneously. I also didn't notice an increase of hyperactivity despite taking stimulants. This was something I was worried about.

 

Hurdles:

It feels like I have been unintentionally inauthentic about my work performance. I was having a hard time maintaining priority of tasks and also had difficulty focusing, but with extra bursts of effort I could make up where I fell behind.

It feels like lying. I know it's not really lying because I truly didn't know. 

I feel cheated that I didn't get diagnosed sooner. I blame nobody for this either. Mostly I feel empathy for people out there who are like me and still waiting to have this realization.