Pressure

This week has been the busiest week at work for me so far this year. I knew that in order to achieve our company's goals (and my personal goals), that I would be pushed to do even more. To manage projects aggressively in order to achieve amazing results. The nice part is that so far, I have helped to achieve results that surpass our goals. The not so nice part is that the pace at which we want to grow is exceeding what we (read: I) am able to do. So that has meant that I have to work harder and longer as a result.

I feel like I should be a diamond after this week. Or at least I will be after a few more weeks like this.

I've noticed that with this added pressure, my anxiety has kicked back in. What I have mostly been able to manage on my own with coping techniques has been popping back up at the least opportune moments. Surprisingly enough, I have the wherewithal to do the hard things, and then it's the easy things that really get to me. Recently I felt like riding in the car was going to make me crawl out of my skin, and I felt trapped and every little thing set me off. When my anxiety is at its fullest, it feels like an electrical surge is racing through my body. I can't process much of anything, physical touch can be unbearable, and even speaking becomes difficult. Which makes innocent bystanders who are trying to help feel even worse, knowing there is nothing they can say or do to make it go away. What does end up making it go away is sleep. Sometimes music helps, other times it makes things worse. If nothing else works, I do have medication that I can take. The meds bring me down, but often make me tired, sad, and indifferent towards anything. They are a last resort, but they do help.

So what do we do with all of this pressure? We all experience it at some point or another, and from various sources. Sometimes we can control where the pressure is coming from and the rate that it comes at us, and other times we cannot. What we can do is to be very aware of our feelings and our body. We can communicate, as best as we can, what we are going through and what we need. We take a little more care with ourselves, and allow ourselves to work through what we are dealing with. We give our body good fuel with a (relatively) healthy diet. 

And sometimes, we lean into the pressure, because the pressure ends up shaping us. Sometimes we do turn into diamonds - something tougher, more beautiful, and having more clarity. The struggles we face can be necessary in order to take us to the next point in our lives. We become better equipped along the way, with more experience and new insights.

Positivity for the Day

When you're in the midst of struggle, it can be hard to see the end. This has been one of my most difficult posts to put together, just because I know I'm not at the end of this series of pressure yet. I don't know where I'm going to be when it's over. But what I do know is that there are people who are there to help me along the way. I know that I'm only going to grow in experience and gain more skills to help me better prepare and manage a similar situation in the future. And if nothing else, I realize that this time is temporary. I have dreams of doing something completely different, and I'm trying to view what I'm going through right now as preparation for what comes next. 

My prayer for you, dear reader, is that whatever you are going through, that you can find the positive in it. Find your reasons that motivate you and make tangible reminders in places that you will see daily. Spend time with the people that love and support you. Remember to love yourself. We have an amazing God who loves us more deeply than we can even fathom. God's grace pours out on us no matter how we feel we are worthy, no matter how much or how little we have accomplished in this life. We are allowed to be exactly where we are, and we are allowed to move beyond it, if that's what's best for us.

Be blessed in your journey. Let your light shine, precious diamonds.

Peace,

Positively Pastoral Jessica